Five Things Parents, High Schoolers Will Argue About

From Shopperati

Global warming.

That is one definition of a teenager’s emotionally turbulent high school years. They’re heated, you don’t know what’s going to happen, and it’s all kind of scary.

A parent’s role is, well, to keep the teen from self-destructing while avoiding meltdown yourself. It’s not easy, but here are some issues most likely to touch off a firestorm between parents and teens entering high school, and some tips on how to defuse them.

1. Academics

High school can come as a shock to most freshmen, whether they excel academically or not. Some bow to peer pressure and fall into to the trap of believing that academic achievement is uncool. Some buckle under the stress of a new environment with larger classrooms, more homework and too many extracurricular activities.

But parents, please listen: Arguing does not help.

Get them through this transitional period by helping them set reasonable goals and teaching them how to stick with them. Find a tutor if they’re struggling, and look for extra study material. Are they socializing too much? Limit the time they hang out with friends during the week. At home, set up a special study area where they can work undistracted. For more tips, go to By Parents For Parents, an online resource for parents of teens.

2. Sex and Drugs

Arming your teen with information is one way to help them cope with sex, drugs and alcohol. While raising a teetotaler might be a bit of a pipedream, you might want to teach them about responsible drinking and how not to give in to peer pressure. Rehearsing ways to say no to drugs and explaining that they have had enough to drink can come in handy in difficult situations.

The same applies for sex. Few things are as important as talking to your teen about sex, considering it is one way to contract the life-threatening HIV virus. But be prepared for eye-rolling and resistance. Some things to consider before having the conversation are: What is their maturity level? Are you telling them something they already know? Are they listening? If you have trouble talking, turn to another trusted adult, who may have an easier time speaking with your teen on this topic.

3. Cell Phones and Text Messaging

Unless you’ve been on Uranus, you know the preferred mode of communication for most teens is cell phones and text messaging. (There are also Twittering or microblogging, but let’s not cloud the subject.) All are today’s ways that teens essentially report their every move and thought to friends near and far.

It’s tricky being a parent in this technological age, but some are using it to their advantage, relying on text messaging instead of phone calls to keep tabs on their teens. A recent survey commissioned by Cingular Wireless found that 63 percent of parents who text their children have found that it improves communication, and 64 percent of parents said texting made it easier to reach their children.

Texting is tricky for adults, though, because it has a language all its own. If you want to become more fluent in texting symbols and acronyms, check out this long list at Webopedia. Steel yourself: It’s like learning a foreign language. (Oh, and rest assured, everyone at your teen’s school does not have an iPhone, pictured.)

All that texting and cell phone use (especially those with wireless internet capability) have caused plenty of arguments over exorbitant bills due to minute overages. Parents are urged to monitor usage and put caps on hours as much as possible, or shop around for better-price packages with more minutes.

4. MySpace/Facebook

On-line social networking sites –primarily MySpace and Facebook – have virtually replaced malls, bowling alleys, movieplexes and other physical venues as teen hangouts. That’s why it is just as important for parents to monitor their teen’s use of these sites just as they would any other hangout.

This is not an easy conversation, but parents should stand their ground. Who can forget the horrible story about 13-year-old Megan Meier, of Missouri, who committed suicide after being teased on a social networking Web site.

As a precautionary measure, Stacy Dittrich, a former law enforcement officer, offers safety tips for parents, including monitoring all computer activity, not just social networks. She says parents should learn their way around social networking sites, not only to watch for bullies, but also for sexual predators that prey on gullible teens.

Remember: You’re a parent, not a buddy, so keep the computer in a centralized area. Also, make sure teens know that pictures they post online can have a lasting impact on their reputation, so make sure they are tasteful.

5. Clothes (and Other Fashion Statements)

“You’re not going to leave the house like that.”

How many times is that phrase uttered around the world every day? 

Well, rest assured that from tight sweater sets in the ’50s to platform shoes in the ’60s to mini skirts in the ’70s, parents and teens have always argued about the latest fashions and fads. Today is no different, even when your teen comes home with blue hair, or no hair, nose rings or rings in other places or — horrors – a tattoo.

They call it freedom of expression.

No one said parenting would be easy.

Carlton Kendrick, a family therapist, and Laura L. Meehan, in an article on the Family Education Web site, urge parents not to take things personally. “They are not doing it to hurt you,’’ they write. “This is an important part of their self-exploration: It’s all about them!’’

There are lots of reasons behind teens’ desires to display their maturity and identity through tattoos and piercings, but those fashion statements are pretty frightening to parents. There are lots of issues and information that need to be sorted through by both, and the only way to do that is to be able to have a conversation, as this article on ProfessorsHouse.com outlines.

If your teenage daughter is proclaiming her new level in school by dressing in an overly provocative way, again, communication is the key, as a WikiHow story details.

Your teens’ fashion faux pas might give them an opportunity to learn from their own mistakes. Besides, if they hear it from you, the message will likely not sink in anyway.

“Choose your battles,’’ the article says of teen clothing and fashion choices. “Of all the things you may disagree about, is this worth starting World War III over?’’