75 Things Every Man Should Do

Personally, I never do anything without checking to see how Esquire magazine says it would reflect on my status as a Man. As a result, I’ve worn some pretty stupid looking clothes and bought cologne that would make a horse puke; but since we all know that a Real Man gets his advice from editors sitting in Hearst Corporation cubicles, I’ve complied.

Oh, wait. I just read the list, and “make fun of men’s magazines by pretending to revere them” isn’t on it. Oh well — guess my own list would go to 76.

As for Esquire’s, which was written by Tom Chiarella, it has its share of overblown romanticized guydom (”Every element here is a matter of the choices you make, the chances you take, the courage you are willing to show.”) along with ideas that actually sound rewarding (No. 9: Drive by yourself from coast to coast). Before you go read it, though, I should warn you about the…

5 Dumbest Items In “75 Things Every Man Should Do”:

“No. 19: Live in a hotel suite for a week.”
Clearly, this is a list written by somebody who’s had too many assignments that came with expense accounts.

“No. 25: Shoplift. Then return what you stole.”
Whatever.

“No. 34: Have a threesome.”
If you think this isn’t icky, perhaps you should stay out of the newsstand’s grown-up section.

“No. 43: Play golf at Carnoustie.”
Golf is bad enough — but what the heck is a Carnoustie?

“No. 47: Attend the funeral of someone you didn’t know that well.”
What — and inspire grieving relatives to spend weeks wondering if that Mystery Guy at the funeral was an old lover or partner in crime of someone they didn’t know as well as they thought?

The full list.